this man would have to be my favourite stand-up comedian.
Top 10 Steven Wright Quotes
10. Imagine if birds were tickled by feathers.
9. It’s a small world, but I wouldn’t want to have to paint it.
8. When I turned two I was really anxious, because I’d doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I’m six I’ll be ninety.
7. If it’s a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
6. If you’re not part of the solution, then you’re part of the precipitate.
5. Right now I’m having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I have forgotten this before.
4. Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
3. I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
2. There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
1. Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
Bonus: I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn’t park anywhere near the place.
(via the sarcasmist)
